robots in disguise...

AUTOBOTS

DECEPTICONS

a helping hand...

Got this in the mail today. Very cute.

which 'Hero' are you?

Nathan Petrelli
You scored 8 Idealism, 12 Nonconformity, 25 Nerdiness

I'm a shark, Pete.
Congratulations, you're Nathan Petrelli! You've got all the qualities of a stereotypical politician. You're ambitious, practical, and you've got more than a healthy sex drive. Still, as much you want to succeed in your field, you don't enjoy the attention that comes from being "different", and you are willing to lie to fit the image you want to present.
Your worst quality: Ambition--you will make your way to the top of any career.
Your worst quality: Anything for the votes--you will do whatever it takes.

To find out which Hero are you, please head to http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=4885834462883321217. =)

meme time...

Ahh its been awhile but got tagged by $1 for another meme. Hehe. Memes are good blog fillers doncha' think. =)

Here goes...

3 things that scare me:

Cancer
Failure
My emotions

3 people who make me laugh:

Maria
Myself
Dave Chappelle

3 things I love:

Sunshine
Taking walks
Driving

3 things I hate:

Hypocrites
Ignorance
Allergies

3 things I don't understand:

Calculus
Myself
Golf

3 things on my desk:

Dell Inspiron 510m Laptop
The Far Side Daily 2007 Calender
A picture of Crush the Turtle from Finding Nemo

3 things I'm doing right now:

Reading blogs
Chatting with Sunshine on YM
Looking through some USD tickets

3 things I want to do before I die:

Bungee jump
Drive a BMW M3 or M5
See the world

3 things I can do:

Cook (to an extent)
Bitch and whine
Go to the movies alone

3 things you should listen to:

Laughter
Waves by the beach
Criticism

3 things you should never listen to:

Sales people
Marketing gimmicks
Politicians

3 things I'd like to learn:

Diving
To cook like Jamie Oliver
Play a musical instrument

3 favorite foods:

Pasta
Cheesecake
Sambal sotong

3 beverages I drink regularly:

Neslo Ice
Tiger Beer
Chinese tea

3 TV shows/Books I watched/read as a kid:

Transformers, The A Team and Mask
Hardy Boys, Enid Blyton and Sherlock Holmes

3 people I have to tag:

Poopie
Hybernating Bear
X

who do i look like?

Hybernating Bear came across an interesting application that compares ya faces with celebrities and come up with some matches. We were messing about and here are my results. Used 2 different pictures, with and without shades. Hehe...

how perfect is my life??

Check it out. According to some website (link below). My life is 81% perfect. Hehe. Hmmm wonder if that is even true. I'm whining about my job, need a salary increment and almost always complain about not having enuff time on my hands. Oh and not to forget the need to have a better car, my own house, to travel. Sigh. Then again, I got most of the things I want in life and I do have a reasonably satisfying job with good pay. Hmm maybe I'm just a whiny bitch. LOL.

Your Life is 81% Perfect

You truly have the perfect life. And you probably feel like the luckiest person in the world. You have a great career, family, and personal life. You have it going on!

How Perfect is Your Life?

love life secrets...

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

friend...

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself (and doesn't feel even the least bit weird shutting your 'beer/Pepsi drawer' with his/her foot!).

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after they've gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend calls you after you had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

quotes from mother teresa...

Got a powerpoint presentation via email on meaningful quotes from Mother Teresa, undeniably the most compassionate and loved person in the world. Below are my favourites.

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.”

“There is more hunger in the world for love and appreciation than for bread.”

"Abortion is murder in the womb ... A child is a gift of God. If you do not want him, give him to me."

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

"Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."

"At the end of our lives, we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made or how many great things we have done. We will be judged by ‘I was hungry and you gave me to eat.' 'I was naked and you clothed me.' 'I was homeless and you took me in.'"

good joke...

Got this via email. Pretty funny. Enjoy. =)

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the
Devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I
have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll
tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't
quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take
their place.
I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.
The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large
pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and
over and over, such was his fate in Hell.
"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I
don't think I could do that all day long."
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a
sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that
hammer, time after time after time.
"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant
agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.
The Devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying
naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs
staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing
what she does best.
Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah,
I can handle this."
The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"

jokes...

Some funny stuff received via email. Enjoy...

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg does not find nuts.

When I was born, I got a choice- A big dick or a good memory. I am
not able to remember, what did I choose.

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -
don't and stop, unless they are used together.

Panties not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on
earth.

There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try
Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Virginity can be cured.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good
partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy
with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing......

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

Teacher: Use "harassment" in a sentence.
Johnny: Her mouth said 'no', but her ass meant 'yes'.

Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps
with everyone except you.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns
your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.

Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men
still sleep with their wives !!!

the darndest things kids say...

Funny stuff I received via email.

***

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys in
his age rather curious. ....

He had been hearing quite a bit about 'making out'
from the older boys, and he wondered what it was
and how it was done.

One day he took his question to his mother, who
became rather flustered. Instead of explaining
things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the
curtains one night and watch his older sister and
her boyfriend.

This he did. The following morning, Johnny described
EVERYTHING to his mother.

"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while,
then he turned off most of the lights. Then he
started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must
be getting sick, because her face started looking
funny.

He must have thought so too, because he put his
hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the
way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as
the doctor because he seemed to have trouble
finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too,
because pretty soon both of them started panting
and getting all out of breath.

His other hand must have been cold because he
put it under her skirt.

About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan
and sigh and squirm around and slide down
toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever
started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him
she felt really hot.

Finally, I found out what was making them so
sick - a big eel had gotten inside his pants
somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and
stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway
he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting
away.

When Sis saw it, she got really scared-her eyes
got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started
calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it
was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell
her about the ones down at the lake by our house!

Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by
biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it
with both hands and held it tight while he took a
muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the
eel's head to keep it from biting again.

Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get
a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top
of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight.

Sis started groaning and squealing and her
boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they
wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between
them.

After a while they both quit moving and gave a
great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough,
they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung
there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging
out.

Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the
battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He
started hugging and kissing her again. By golly,
the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and
started to fight again.

I guess eels are like cats, they have nine lives or
something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to
kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute
struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was
dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin
off and flush it down the toilet.

***

LOL. Wonder if Mom survived that...

the mayonnaise jar and coffee...

an interesting read I received via email...

THE MAYONNAISE JAR AND COFFEE

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours
in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the
coffee.

A professor stood before his Philosophy class and had some items in
front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large empty
mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas
between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it
was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous "Yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty
space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life.

"The golf balls are the important things - i.e.
your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your
favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only
they remained, your life would still be full.

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house,
and your car".

"The sand is everything else - the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no
room for the pebbles or the golf balls."
"The same goes for life."

"If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will
never have room for the things that are important to you."

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness."
"Play with your children."
"Take time to get medical checkups."
"Take your partner out to dinner."
"Go for a walk or do some form of exercise."
"If posible, play another round of golf."
"Make enough time to clean the house and fix the disposal."
"Set your priorities right - the things that really matter."

"The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked."

"It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

another yoke...

LOL. Got it via email. Not sure who the author is. Enjoy...

An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. One day he decided that he would love to plant potatoes and herbs in his garden, but he knew he was alone and too old and weak. His son was in college in Paris, so the old man sent him an e-mail explaining the problem:
"Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, that you would help me and dig up the garden for me. I love you, your father."
The following day, the old man received a response e-mail from his son: "Beloved father, please don't touch the garden. That is where I have hidden 'the THING.' I love you, too, Ahmed."
At 4pm the FBI and Homeland Security visited the house of the old man and took the whole garden apart, searching every inch. But they couldn't find anything. Disappointed, they left the house.
The next day, the old man received another e-mail from his son: "Beloved father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That is all I could do for you from here. Your loving son, Ahmed."

benefits of being chinese...

Something funny I received via email. Check it out.



Pull the corner of your eyes and you'll be able to read it. LOL.

men are from mars, women are from venus...

This is something I got off a forum. ZerotoHundred to be exact and wanted to share. Real funny stuff.

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. "The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students, Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neuroti whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F__KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steel novels!"

(Rebecca)
Asshole.

(Gary)
Bitch

(Rebecca)
F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one.

celebrity comments...

Here are some funny comments made by celebrities. Got this via email.

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL." -Lynn Lavner

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." -Camille Paglia

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." -SharonStone

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." -Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." Jack Nicholson

"Clintonlied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." -Barbara Bush

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." -Robin Williams

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." -Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." -Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" -Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'." -Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." -Robin Williams

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom." -Joan Rivers

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy." -Steve Martin

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life." -Elmo Phillip

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." -Oscar Wilde

" It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." -George Burns

christmas fun...

Got this via email earlier...

damn i'm mexican?!

You Are Mexican Food

Spicy yet dependable. You pull punches, but people still love you.

What Kind of Food Are You?

dear friend...*explicit*

Something funny I received a while back...