Wednesday, May 10, 2006

the darndest things kids say...

Funny stuff I received via email.

***

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys in
his age rather curious. ....

He had been hearing quite a bit about 'making out'
from the older boys, and he wondered what it was
and how it was done.

One day he took his question to his mother, who
became rather flustered. Instead of explaining
things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the
curtains one night and watch his older sister and
her boyfriend.

This he did. The following morning, Johnny described
EVERYTHING to his mother.

"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while,
then he turned off most of the lights. Then he
started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must
be getting sick, because her face started looking
funny.

He must have thought so too, because he put his
hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the
way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as
the doctor because he seemed to have trouble
finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too,
because pretty soon both of them started panting
and getting all out of breath.

His other hand must have been cold because he
put it under her skirt.

About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan
and sigh and squirm around and slide down
toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever
started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him
she felt really hot.

Finally, I found out what was making them so
sick - a big eel had gotten inside his pants
somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and
stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway
he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting
away.

When Sis saw it, she got really scared-her eyes
got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started
calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it
was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell
her about the ones down at the lake by our house!

Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by
biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it
with both hands and held it tight while he took a
muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the
eel's head to keep it from biting again.

Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get
a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top
of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight.

Sis started groaning and squealing and her
boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they
wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between
them.

After a while they both quit moving and gave a
great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough,
they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung
there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging
out.

Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the
battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He
started hugging and kissing her again. By golly,
the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and
started to fight again.

I guess eels are like cats, they have nine lives or
something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to
kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute
struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was
dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin
off and flush it down the toilet.

***

LOL. Wonder if Mom survived that...

1 comment:

Danielle said...

Oh, my! I am new to blogging, and happened upon your post. What a hilarious (and strange) way to start off my blogging experience. Thanks for the laughs.